How the hell do people get money to go to the movies every damn weekend?!?! (Seems to me as if everyday) I barely go. I might go twice a year and that’s if I get lucky! 😑
Every where I look I see people blessed with huge amounts of good looks and attractiveness… and then there’s me. 😏😞😫😑
Best dream ever! I has dreamed I was at the neon lights tour with Demi and I has backstage passes and everything. Front row tickets. We talked, took selfies, and even ate together! Until I woke up, I was like shit shit shit! It was just a dream.
I haven’t on here in a while. Anyone wanna ask any questions? Anything? I’m literally bored outta my mind!
I know I said I wouldn’t write about you anymore but there’s no other way of letting out my feelings but on here. My friends try to help me but they just don’t understand me or any of this. Why can’t I just for once, just once be someone’s crush. For them to feel butterflies when I come, to check me out all the time, and get all nervous when I’m around them. I wish just for once a cute person would be into me. For once to someone send me those sweet messages instead of I bothering everyone else. I see you and all the text you get all day. Girls must really like you… today was the last day I was gonna see you in a while and you didn’t even bother to day bye or anything. Guess I should take that as a no, I don’t want you. Maybe its time , for me to get my head out of ass and start standing up for myself, but every time I try to I can’t. I fall back. Everything goes blank and I enjoy the small time you wanna be me even if you’re clueless and I’m over dying to let you know how I feel. Being so close to you really sucks. You’re there but I can’t do anything about it. I really pathetic sometimes, I always fall for the ones I can’t have and all of this just ruins my day.. I wish there was a way out because reality really sucks.
I’m drowning in despair
knowing I won’t ever have you.
I don’t know why I fell for you
if I knew I’d never be able to have you.
I die a little inside
every time I see you away from me
I want and need you by my side
but instead you’re over there with your other friends.
Look at me writing about you, I should really get a life or least quit writing about my heartbreaks. I did the same with the last one and now I’m doing with you. Although I will say I am glad I got over the last person I was in love with. I think about them and I think to myself, what an idiot! I did every thing I could to make them happy, I gave them my everything and for what? For him to just turn around and abandon me. I wish I could leave my heart out of this, and learn for once to quit getting attached to easily. I hate not telling you how I feel, but I can’t tell you.. you’re you. This last few months have been torturing and awful. I have three class with you and in every single I glance at you like a fool to only get a glance or two back. I try to talk to you but I don’t know what do say. My thoughts get all tangled and intwined and my stomach starts to get those stupid so called butterflies. This week has been an all time low. I just don’t know get. Before I used to dislike you so much. You take everything the wrong way and I couldn’t stand you. I guess your personality’s changed over time. During August and September, you used to shake my hand all the time, I thought it was weird but now that I fell for you, you barely even look at me. You only talk to me when you need something. For something else you call your ”bestfriends” who only talk about you. It die a little every inside when I see you with your “cool” and “well known” friends while I sit feet away from at a different table. What’s worst is that you’re straight and I’m not.
When will I be the one answering all the questions?
When will I be the one receiving the text?
When will I be the one who doesn’t respond back?
When will I be the one ignoring you?
When will I be the one who you stare at everyday?
When? I need to know cause it seems as if never.
Why can’t you see me the way I see you? I need to stop all of these before it gets too big and the past repeats itself. I made it out alive the last time, but I don’t know if I can survive this one. I’ve been heartbroken to many times, sometimes I still wonder how I do it. For once, I wish someone could look at the way I look at me, stare at me like I stare at them, get butterflies in their stomachs when glanced over me, when they accidently ran into, when they made an excuse just to talk to me.
I’m broken into two. One half of me wants to deny the way I am; the other way accepts me just the way I am. Ever since I was little, I was taught that the only way to be was straight, there can be no other way. My parents both think being different is wrong and I believe that’s where I get one. I will own up to my actions, and admit I have have called people gay and faggot. I throw these words like they’re nothing. I see dudes all up on each and automatically think “gay!” I know it’s wrong to judge, but its something that’s just there. I get disgusted by the way I am, and who I like. How would his parents react? How would my parents react? I can’t let too much people know. I wouldn’t be the only one dragging me down by revealing this, but also my family. I’d probably get thrown out the house, so far I need to lay low and keep everything silence. My other part, is happy and enjoys being the way it is. Although at times, it feels trapped; like there is no room to breathe. It wants to get out and let everyone know already for God’s sake. He is only one who can judge at the end. I want to tell the guy I have feelings to know I have them. I want everyone to know. I want to live to freely, but that part stops me. Keeps me from telling everyone. I feel divided into two people. My straight said who is mean, judgemental, serious, interested in females. My bi side (I guess) the one who is carefree, nice, accepts everything, goofy and interested males. It’s hard controlling these two completely different opposites in one body. I wish I could let it all out somehow.
What is so wrong with being gay? Like serious, stfu and mind your own damn business. If a girl wants to be with a girl then let it be. If it makes him happy then let him be with his boyfriend. I don’t understand the world. People are so worried about others and are so stereotype, it basically the ugliest guys who think you’re gonna rape them. Not all guys are like that; maybe instead of being an asshole, you should get educated about it and leave people the fuck alone who. Let them be who they wanna, let them be with who ever makes them happy. Why the hell is it bothering you? Get your own life together before you start judging anyone. Damn I am so tired of people in the world calling other people faggit, gay, homo. How much lower can you get? LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE.
You can tell when someone isn’t interested you or likes you back. I still wonder how come after all these year, I’m just now starting to develop feelings for you. I look at you basically all day, but barely once I see you looking back at me. (You’re mostly looking towards other people.) I try to get your attention without being to obvious, but it doesn’t work. I guess I’m just lucky on the days we work in groups and you chose me. You sometimes make it look like you might be interested in me (even for just a little bit) but I have to remember not everyone is gay or bisexual. You might not even be interested in guys. (If you are, I can tell you’re not coming out anytime soon with the cunts you hang around with.) Even when my bestfriend says you like me back, it’s hard to believe. Maybe she’s just being a good friend and telling me a white lie, maybe you do things that seem as if you do. But to me more than that is gonna take to convince me. I want to get over this crush right now. I’m not quite yet into the stage where I think I’m fully in love. (I’m getting there though) I want it to be a temporary crush but I feel something, like my insides light up when I see you. I get this warm feeling all over my body. I wish you could reciprocate back the feelings, but I know you’re not. (As far as now.) I look at you, but you look away. I try to grab your attention, but someone else steals it. I try to talk to you in the classroom or in the hallway but you’re with your other friends. But I do cherish the moments you do notice me…. Maybe I’m just a loser in his feelings who needs to stop writing about people and get a life.